Posted by: Wendy | January 10, 2009

And the Reason is Her

Finally I have a place to talk without having to worry about my mom reading it and getting mad at me.  I love her so much, and she helps me a lot, but some days I feel like I’m going to explode.  I try to talk to Thomas about it all, but he already doesn’t like her.  I don’t want to make him hate her, you know?  Besides, he’s a man.  He doesn’t really get it, especially when I can’t quite articulate what I need to say.  And that’s what prompted me to go ahead and start a new site.  I was planning it when one of my friends on Twitter told me she wished she could because there’s something she wants to talk about and can’t on her site.  Thus, the “Can We Talk?” section began to form. 

I thought to myself, “What if I could make a place for people to talk without the fear of people knowing who they are?”  I know I would have used it more than once.  Actually, there are a few other sites out there, but I didn’t know about them. 

I want my first real post to count, so today there will be no cute stories of the kids.  No stories of Thomas’ and my interrupted attempts at sex.  Today it’s all about Mama.

Last Tuesday all the work and stress from moving and the holidays caught up to me.  I had been going non-stop packing and cleaning, unpacking and cleaning, shopping for gifts and cleaning, raising the kids and… well, I think you get it.  I was worn out.  Tripp has been going through some pretty heavy mommy-anxiety and even at night he wakes up two or three times just to see if I’m there.  The last time he woke me up Monday night/Tuesday morning was about 5:00.  So I decided to go ahead and get up.  I would have a couple of much needed hours to myself.  I had been up only a few minutes when Noah got up.  Then by 6:30 Thomas brought Tripp to the living room because he hadn’t been back to sleep since I got up.  So the morning went from “Yippee! Time to myself!” to “Pre-dawn Mommy take care of me.”

It seemed like anything that could happen that day, did!  By the time I realized I had forgotten to send Noah’s lunch with him I knew the day was going to be shitty.  I started crying and couldn’t stop.  Thomas was nice and supportive and worried, and I kept explaining it wasn’t him, it was me.  He realizes that I’m basically a single mother and how hard it can be.  But still, I couldn’t stop.  And Tessa and Tripp were both all over me.  It was ridiculous.

After Thomas went to work my mom happened to call.  She could hear that I had been crying so she asked what was wrong.  I told her but she didn’t believe me.  She kept saying she knows it’s more than that and asking me if Thomas and I were fighting.  I finally convinced her I was just stressed out, and was trying to talk to her about it.  I just needed someone to listen, you know?  But in the middle of it, she broke in to tell me how my brother had upset her the night before.  And how no matter what she does one of us kids is always mad at her. 

She went on like that for several minutes, then told me to bring Tessa and Tripp over.  Tess could spend the night and I could get Tripp when I picked Noah up from school.  When I got there, I was feeling a little better, I had stopped crying anyway.  So she spent the whole time I was there talking about how bad all of us kids treat her.  I just kept thinking to myself, “Gee.  I wonder why?”

Then she told me she and my dad would pick Noah up from school, and I could pick him up from her house at 6:00.  But she didn’t want to keep Tripp because he’s just too hard to take care of.  Hello??  That’s exactly why I needed a break!

I’m grateful to her for getting Noah and Tessa.  I really am.  And I’m grateful that she lets Tessa spend the night often.  Usually at least once a week.  But if you’re going to help me, please, help me all the way!  Not just enough to say what a great grandparent you are (she does say that, by the way.  She tells me all the time how lucky I am to have her.) but still leave me with extra work.  It was harder having to get Tripp back out at 6:00 at night.  And harder having to get Noah home at 7:00, still needing dinner and a bath before bedtime at 8:00.

But I feel bad because she is helping, and I just want more.  I feel like an ungrateful bitch, honestly.

 

 Make sure you check out our first post in the Can We Talk? section!  It’s a good one and this friend needs your advice and opinion.

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Responses

  1. (((HUGS))) It’s hard when you need help and people trying to help only make it worse. Then gods forbid you talk to them about it, it always blows up. I hope you feel better.

  2. Sometimes people forget how hard it is when you have multiple children in the house. I have never had a person I could drop my kids off with which kinda sucks when I am at that point. Sometimes I go into the bathroom and lock the door just to get some peace. I have also got to the point where I just tell my kids that “Mommy is having a bad day” and they know they need to go play in their rooms. It might not be playing quietly, but at least they aren’t attached to my hip for 30 min or so.

  3. Summer- Yes, I’m ok. 🙂 Thomas got me a full-body hour long massage the next day. It was great!

    Kat- I know I should just be grateful, but I guess I’m used to getting some help. I know I’m being bitchy about it. lol. I just can’t help it! I would totally keep your kids for you if you needed help. 🙂 That’s good that you’ve taught them to go play alone when you say you’re having a bad day. Mine seem to just get worse! lol. I think they try to distract me or tease me out of a bad mood. I can’t really tell them the reason I’m in a bad mood is them. lol

  4. My mum tends to help when I don’t need it and not help when I do. However, I am greatful when she does lend a hand. Mums need to be stroked once in a while too even though it’s hard. I’m sure she loves you and is just worried about you. Sometimes you have to censor what you tell your parents or all they hear is the bad stuff and then they start forming opinions of your situation and we all know where that leads right? Maybe just tell her what you feel you need and that’s why you’re frustrated and then ask her if she can help you even if it’s just once or twice a month.

    Good Luck
    Kirst

  5. hi wendy!! love the new site!!! i have no help at all so i am thankful for you that you have some help…but.. my youngest is 5 so i am ok with not having help! good luck and i hope things get better. i hate when parents want to help and then they act like a martyr! either help and be happy or just dont even offer!

  6. Kirst- I do stroke her ego. Problem is it makes her think she’s an even *better* grandparent. lol. She does help a lot and I appreciate that, but what I really needed was for her to just listen. She formed her opinions about Thomas a long time ago, that’s why she always thinks he’s done something. I hardly even talk to her about him.

    Dana- I’m thankful too. Just frustrated sometimes. lol. It’s the whole martyr thing that drives me CRAZY! 😉

  7. I can totally understand! Don’t let her get you don’t. Your not being ungrateful! Some grandmothers just don’t realize that we need more then a little help. The last thing we need is a guilt trip when they’re “trying” to help. ((hugs)) your not alone! And your not being a bitch at all!

  8. Ugh. Mothers. That really sucks. So not helpful under the pretense of being such.

  9. NONONONONONONO! DO NOT feel bad! I know exactly where you are coming from, I am there every couple of days or so. :0) And when you aren’t getting what you need, of course it’s okay to feel like you need more.


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