I know, I know. I said I would start focusing on the positive and stop writing all these bitchy posts, but I can’t help it! I don’t know if maybe it’s just because I am a bitch or if there is something else wrong with me. All I know is some days are more than I can handle.
Is this how life is supposed to be? Is this what all women, and especially mothers, put up with? This isn’t right but for the life of me I don’t know how to fix it.
Thomas is the assistant manager and a chef at the local Japanese restaurant. He works from 11am until 2:30pm, then from 4pm until 11 or 12 (or 1 or 2!) Monday through Friday, and on Saturday it’s 3pm until usually 1am or 2am. It’s hard enough to deal with missing him and staying up so late so I can see him. But most of the time I feel like a single mom. He’s not here to help me at all. I have to do everything for the kids. I know he hates his hours and that he does it so I can stay home with them but knowing that really doesn’t make it any easier.
Last night I made a really awesome shrimp dish for dinner and I sent him a text telling him how good it was and to make sure he didn’t eat too much at work because I wanted him to have some. He didn’t get home until 2:00, though, because his boss wanted him to stay and have a beer or two with him. I fell asleep on the couch waiting, and when he did finally get home, we went straight to bed. I asked him if he was going to at least try the shrimp and he said he would the next day because he was too full. It was shrimp! I’m not comfortable with leftover shrimp! And I was really proud of myself because I didn’t use any kind of recipe at all. Not even as a jumping off point, you know? And I stood there for an hour peeling and de-veining them, making sure to do enough so he would have plenty. He did eat them today, but now I’m worried that he’ll have food poisoning and I’ll have to take of him for that, too. He made me feel a little bit better because he kept saying how good it was, and that it was like having sex.
I guess meal-time is my main issue today. We aren’t on a normal schedule for meals because of Thomas’ hours. I get so frustrated because when I don’t cook, Thomas comes home hungry. But when I do cook, half the time no one eats it. Or the kids eat only the vegetables or only the meat. And then they’re hungry again an hour or two later. I always wait to throw out their plates until I’m sure they aren’t going to eat it, and every fucking time it happens.
Tessa is bad about just eating a few bites, then saying she’s done. I swear she hardly eats at all! But then a little while later she’s hungry again. I usually don’t cook enough food to have leftovers, so that leaves me having to cook something for her. I try to get her to eat cereal or a pb&j sandwich, but she cries and begs for real food.
Noah sometimes eats two entire plates full, and still wants to eat again later. But he wants cereal or a peanut butter sandwich or bread and butter. All the unhealthy stuff. I worry about his weigh because he’s already a little thick. And I know he’s not hungry! Maybe he’s bored or just wants the taste of it.
The worst thing that Thomas does, besides not eating when I cook, is he’ll call me right before he’s supposed to come home and ask me if I cooked anything. So I’m supposed to just drop what I’m doing and figure out something to cook, get it defrosted, and get it tasting good. (I know I’m spoiling him, but honestly, after he almost left me last year, I’m a little afraid to be anything but perfect. I’ll email you a link if you don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s from the old blog so I can’t put it here. Just let me know in the comments.) I cook breakfast at 10:00, and I don’t want to cook a big meal at 2:00. I spend the morning cleaning the house. Seriously, from 11-2 I’m busting my ass because it’s the only time I have to get it done. I don’t have time to cook a real meal then. Plus, I have to go pick Noah up from school at 3:00.
I don’t know. There’s some solution to this problem. I want to tell Thomas there’s no reason for me to cook for him. After all, he does work in a restaurant. I could give the kids sandwiches or something for lunch (Thomas doesn’t like sandwiches, by the way) and just cook dinner. But I feel like I’m not being a good wife when I do that. I’ve tried cooking enough food at lunch to feed the kids lunch and dinner, but they refuse to eat it the second time. I’ve tried making super easy things like Hamburger Helper, but they’re so used to really good food that they don’t like it. Between all the cooking and cleaning after cooking and snack making and cleaning that I’m exhausted.
What do you do? Do you cook three times a day? I just can’t handle that!